‘Home’
He knew this would come up. Just how soon he did not really know. Actually he had been hoping to avoid the topic all together. Though it meant Baby had not really noticed he had died. Swallowing hard, he looked away, not wanting to see the look in his boyfriend’s eyes. “I…the night I left Baby I…I did something bad…Cassie…she brought me back but…I was gone for a long time because I couldn’t come back…I was in a bad place…somewhere only bad people go…” he was clearly trying to avoid the topic in hopes that it wouldn’t be brought up again.
How did you tell the person you loved that you had run off with the intention of dying, and found death? In a way he was thankful for the man in the bar coming around and ending his miserable life. He only wished he had stayed down there instead of coming back and feeling like a disappointment.
He stared at Dean, clearly confused. “What? No, there’s no way that’s right. You wouldn’t go to a place for bad people because you aren’t bad. What happened? I mean… you’re back now so…” Dean shook his head and hugged the other again. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop asking stupid questions, I should just be happy to have you back, and I am, I missed you. Are… are you gonna leave again? Please don’t leave again….”
/checking the animal traps for food and thinking/
Dean sat up and looked at Sam, bloody knife in one hand and rabbit steaks in the other. “You’re flirting.” He said dumbly. “You’re flirting at me. Why?” He tilted his head to the side. “I don’t get it… I’m just… cleaning meat. I’m all messy. Why are you flirting at me while I’m cleaning meat?”
Sam smiles deeply, and his dimples show. “Maybe I just like looking at you.” He bites down on his bottom lip, eyes sweeping over his Dean’s body again. “I meant what I said, you are beautiful.”
“But I’m covered in blood.” He said again, staring at him. “And I don’t even know what that word means, but I don’t like it. It doesn’t sound good.”
Source: thisisntapplepie
D-dean? I h-have s-something to t-tell you…
“I love you too…so much. I can’t remember when I loved someone this much. But I can’t be around you…not when you’re scared of me. And not when I’m scared of hurting you…you…you’re terrified of me. I can tell…” he swallowed hard, closing his eyes as he pressed his head against the others. “He won’t hurt you…”
“You don’t know that! Lots of people hurt me, even good people hurt me! I’m not scared of you… I was just startled is all. Please don’t leave me, Dean. Don’t leave me alone like this.” He wiped at his eyes, trying to keep the wetness from blinding him. “Please don’t go…”
Source: thisisntapplepie
‘Home’
The hunter had honestly not expected any form of a greeting. Just thinking that he would get in and get past his ex with out a problem. Maybe Sam would not be there and he would avoid an awkward first meeting with Baby’s brother. But suddenly he found someone in his arms, tensing as he looked into the man who was a mirror image of himself.
Tensing slightly, he swallowed hard wondering if Baby had missed him. Did the other even notice he had been gone. Did he know Dean had died…? That Dean had been broken by hell again. He could only take a deep breath as his arms wrapped around the other, holding him gently against his chest. Like he did not want to completely feel him. Remind himself of what he would be loosing leaving the other.
Closing his eyes tight, he buried his face against the others neck, shaking. He was terrified of leaving again. Being alone. But he had to do it…he could not bare to stay with Baby knowing he might hurt him.
“Dean.” He mumbled, completely wrapping himself around the other. “Don’t… please don’t ever do that again. I know I’m bad and I fuck up and you probably don’t ever want to be around someone as stupid as me, but please don’t ever do that again. I didn’t know where you were. I was scared.” It was true. He’d been terrified not knowing where Dean was. He never wanted to experience that again.
For a short while, he stayed quiet, just holding onto the other. Dean inhaled deeply, only then noticing that something was off. He pulled away, looking at the other in confusion. “You smell funny. Why do you smell funny? Why do you smell like death?”
‘Home’
Slamming the door shut to his car, he takes a breath as he looked up at the run down house. He was only going to be here for a few before he was gone. And he was not looking back. All Dean needed to do was grab a few things he had forgotten, get out, and leave.
But it hurt inside to think that he would be leaving Baby again. That he might see his ex, have to go through his crying. Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself together. Baby had Sam now…he did not need Dean. The broken shell of a boyfriend that the hunter was. Wiping tears away he pushed forward, just needing to stay strong…
Dean was cooking a stew on the east porch, not really paying much attention to it. He missed Dean, he wanted him back, but he hadn’t seen him for weeks and he had the sinking feeling he was never going to see him again. Sam was… nice. He liked Sam, he really did, he was always gentle, but he was confusing. It drove Dean mad how he acted like he wanted sex all the time, always finding the strangest moments when Dean was right in the middle of something to suddenly want it. But then he didn’t just take it, always made Dean participate like he knew how to. It was infuriating and frustrating. He wanted Dean. His Dean was just as nervous as he was and nothing about him had the feeling of pressure to perform.
He noticed rather suddenly to his annoyance that the stew was on the verge of burning and he was pulling it off the fire quickly. Just then he heard and engine and a car door. Car door? No one drove out here, which mean one of two things… Dean almost dropped the stew as he ran to get to the ground, prepared to fight someone how had questions or the guys from the bar. He didn’t expect to see his Dean in the yard climbing out of his pretty car. He sprinted toward him, taking a running leap into him and trying not to knock him over as he crashed into him.
/sitting in a dark corner of a bar, slowly drinking a beer and people-watching/
He nodded at that, “I love you…” he have a small smiled, gingerly moving over to kiss his forehead. He did not feel like he had a right to kiss him anywhere else. “I’ll be back soon Baby…”
“I love you, too.” Dean smiled softly and pulled the other over for a soft kiss. “Please come back. Please.”
Source: thisisntapplepie
D-dean? I h-have s-something to t-tell you…
“This isn’t about you getting better baby…it’s about me. I hurt you. Sam…Sam wouldn’t do that to you…not if he’s like the others…like mine…” he closed his eyes as he tried not to cry. “You’ll get over me…” he swallowed hard. “I love you…just remember that. No matter what happens in the next few days…or what you see…remember I love you.”
He sniffed and cried softly, trying to hide it from Dean but his voice kept cracking. “No… no… can’t I have you both? I can do that… I’m good at that. Lots of people like using me for that. Don’t leave Dean…. I love you…”
Source: thisisntapplepie
D-dean? I h-have s-something to t-tell you…
I-I-I wanted you…I just…I…other then in hell I’d never been with another man baby…*swallows hard* B-but it’s okay…he’ll be good to you…do what I couldn’t…*nods*
/slumps/ D-dean… I d-don’t kn-know wh-what t-to d-do. I d-don’t w-want you t-to l-leave.
“Yes you do…because I hurt you…and I don’t even know why I did, but I hurt you…” he stared at his hands, “I don’t remember a single thing. I don’t remember saying those things, or what I did to those men…only that I woke up to you crying and I this feeling that something was wrong. I only remember blackness…” he shook his head. “He’s better for you…I’m happy you found him…”
He looked at the ground sadly, wiping away tears he didn’t want Dean to see. “Dean… please d-don’t… I w-want you… d-don’t l-leave me again… I p-promise I’ll be b-better. I’ll l-learn to b-be b-better for you…”
Source: thisisntapplepie
/sitting in a dark corner of a bar, slowly drinking a beer and people-watching/
He nods slowly at that, though he doesn’t promise that he will be back like he should. He was already mentally taking stock of what was inside his car, and how far he should go out of town to do the dirty deed. Dean would not be coming back, but he was happy to know at least that Baby would be in the hands of someone who would take care if him like he should be taken care of. “I’ll pack my things and be gone quickly.”
Dean reached out and grabbed his arm. “Dean… please come back. Just… not yet. But don’t… don’t leave me.” He let go and mumbled quietly. “I need you.”
He refused to look at him at that, staring at the floor. He nodded, though he did not mean it. Nor did he believe he was needed. He was dangerous. A menace to the one person he loved. He had one chance at happiness and he fucked it up. Swallowing back tears, he looked over at him, smiling weakly. “I’ll…be back soon baby…It’s okay…” it was a total lie, but he did not want Baby to be sad…at least not while he was there.
He smiled a bit, totally believing him. “Thank you. I just… I need a few days. But I’ll still be happy when you come back.” Dean’s smiled broader.
Source: thisisntapplepie
